Forgetting Familiarity

One small flight, one giant change in mindset, and I’m here. It’s taken two weeks for me to collect my thoughts. Moving has been a lot tougher than I had prepared myself for. It broke friendships, caused more stress, and created a hollowness inside. Moving far away -even just two time zones away-created a disconnect from who I was to who I’m now becoming. Imagine a painting, then immediately, over all the colors, it’s painted white-that’s how it feels.

It’s a blank canvas. What I had previously known and experienced feels 100 light years away.  I have endless ways to reinvent the way I’ve been thinking for my entire life. I have time to figure out the things I like and don’t and truly make decisions without anyone else. But there’s a catch… and it’s aimlessness. Most people here are okay with that feeling of “going with the flow” and “letting things happen.” The lack of structure and plan is their blessing. Unfortunately not everyone is gifted to think like that. Some of us need to re-image our brain to be able change our perspectives.

It’s funny how the quality of life here is so much more freeing than anything I’ve experienced. There’s no fear. There are times of loneliness, doubt, and even sadness, but no fear. I’m learning things that I wouldn’t have tried to attempt before. Meeting people here is so refreshing and the thought process is so diverse that there’s literally no judgement. It’s a place where I’m allowed to be my own person; where forgetting the past is an opportunity to fill the empty spaces with personal drive, new experiences, and knowledge. I know that things might not be perfect right now, but if I want to stay busy, if I have an open mind, if I just get up and go somewhere, the resources are right in front of me.

It may have only been a short amount of time, but I’m not the same person I was 3000 miles ago.

In the Hands of Our Fathers, 1776

July 4th- a day that most people just see as a day off from work; to see fireworks, enjoy a BBQ, and have a few drinks. Most just know that it was the day America sealed their independence from the British Empire (not to be confused with the day the constitution was signed). For me, July 4th is really important. It’s an annual reminder of humans who believed in a lifestyle that was greater than what they were told. It was the beginning of a new journey. I believe (but many debate), that the founding fathers, although deferred in opinions, trusted each other. They knew that their various perspectives allowed for a conversation that would eventually lead to the best working system. Through debate, conversation, and a common goal, they created an idea. This began  to change the way people thought, the way systems worked, and the way equality was envisioned. Remember, equality wasn’t a “natural law,” it wasn’t our right. This document was the spark to create change for mankind in the colonies, and now, in the world. It would inspire revolutions and governmental changes for the nations today that are considered the most influential. That’s why it’s worth celebrating.

This year, I went to in NYC with friends…least to say, it did not go as expected.

The Good
It’s NYC. Places are rarely as exciting as this city. The weather was great, it was a Friday, and I had great company. For anyone who’s been to NYC and the boroughs, the good stuff is self explanatory. It’s New York. The city lights, a peak of the Empire State’s colors, the freedom tower piercing the sky- those are enough to make me smile.

The Bad
They moved the fireworks. I knew they had moved the fireworks from the Hudson to the East River. In my opinion, it wasn’t the best thing, but getting to the other side of Manhattan or to Brooklyn is an L train away. And I wonderfully assessed that watching the fireworks from Brooklyn would be a gorgeous view. I thought that the Manhattan skyline would be a beautiful backdrop. However, I, most of Brooklyn, and apparently the police force assigned to the Brooklyn territory had no clue about the fireworks being moved down south. Needless to say, it was frustrating. I saw a total of one firework.

The Ugly
Even worse than that…The crowd was in massive confusion. My two friends and I ended up separated. Without smartphones, I don’t know what we would have done. By sheer luck we ended up meeting back at Penn.

But after everything and after getting past the initial frustration, I’m glad I went to NYC and brought two friends with me. I’m not going to lie…not seeing fireworks, not eating all day, and getting separated sucked. Though, I didn’t lounge around all day. I did something different, tried new things, had an experience. I appreciated that the most. Who are we kidding, not all experiences are going to be great and most of this trip wasn’t. What matters most is what I walk away with. I can whine about not having seen fireworks and taking the A train back alone but it’s not going to do me any good. I had fun walking around all of Brooklyn with friends. And in all honesty, I enjoyed being New York. Last year I went to Philadelphia and that was an aggressive crowd. This might be surprising to people who’ve never been to NYC but it really is true when they say New Yorkers look out for others; they’re some of the friendliest people.

So out of all of this, here’s my fourth of July patriotic spiel:

Living in America in general and being a part of a nation that’s worked so hard to evolve perceptions, amend global laws, and help other nations, is amazing. People forget what positive things America has done. Like any other nation, it has a lot to grow; though, that’s the amazing part of victories and change- the process. America enables people to have the freedom to choose their own process, their own journey. This is what it was created for. I’ll take the good with the bad because I’m not going to take that for granted.

Life, like a hike

Recently, I went on a hike. Mind you, I don’t exercise a lot but this location looked like it was going to be great.

That morning, I woke up late and drove two hours while the other folks slept in the car. On three hours of sleep, half a bagel, and late arrival, I was going to hike 8mi…in my shape… in 5hrs. I couldn’t change my mind. I wanted to get to the highest point and see the waterfall. There was no point in taking the easy way out or doing a shorter hike after giving my word on that one. I don’t travel often so driving to NY state for a small adventure was going to be the highlight of a very dull, routine week.

HighPoint

And eventually, I reached the top with two friends. It was a breathtaking view. As someone who has lived in Jersey for too  long, I can attest how small the the sky looks from there. In Jersey, it is always clouded with either houses, buildings, lights, or trees. The sky never looked bigger from this skyline rock. It went on for miles-shades of blue branching out over us. From up there, nothing mattered.

Life’s a bit like that- a really long hike.

The Good
In short, it’s fulfilling. There’s nothing quite like seeing the sky get closer and closer. The anticipation, the journey, the exploration, is just the crescendo. It’s this process that fills each step with optimism. Because hiking toward the peak, itching to hear the sound of the waterfall, was the only thing that created a vision in my brain to not worry about trekking through webs, brushes, and uneven rocks. There was nothing apprehensive about climbing up, everything was damn near perfect, but even if it wasn’t, the view would be.

In life, that focus eliminates the faults made. Paying attention to reaching that thrilling feeling of “making it” is all that matters. The wounds and scars don’t mean a thing. Faults have become resources for learning…for striving to go harder.  That achievement  will be a breath of fresh air that will articulated by a pure feeling of relief and clarity.

The Bad
After staying on that peak, I eventually realized I would have to climb down. The serenity was beginning to wane. If I stayed on the peak for too long, then I wouldn’t be able to remember the excitement I first felt. If I stayed, eventually, sitting on the edge of that cliff in awe of the landscape would be overcome by the tiredness of the hike down. I wanted to remember that the expedition lead me to elation. However, the thought of a steep and rocky climb down was overwhelming. I was already tired. I slipped a lot, tripped, and scrapped my arms and legs. But there was no turning around. I couldn’t just sit there. I moved along because focusing on getting back to the car was better than trudging back in the dark with a meek flashlight.

These “lows” of life, aren’t necessarily the low points. Rather, moments that make us appreciate ourselves for what we have achieved. This is a mandatory part of life and it should be one that’s humbling. The journey is not perfect, never will it be. It’s understood that time goes on and so must we. Life is almost always going to have rocks in the path…so mope, but move forward.

The Ugly
My fellow hiker busted his knee on the corner of a rock. With my low endurance and now his badly bruised knee…the walk back would be much slower. The the longer the hike would take, the crankier we would get. Trail mix was only so satisfying and we just wanted to sit for a while. The more energy we lost, the more we dragged our feet over rocks. We climbed over boulders and cramped our muscles. Our lack of attention to the moment and our actions was overcome by the focusing on how terribly lengthy the climb down felt. In a hike like this, there’s no such thing as turning back. We stretch and we move on. Because of our carelessness  we made wrong turns . Rather than complaining, we solved which way to proceed. We were the only support for each other out there and it was nearing dusk. Surprisingly, when I reached the car I was disappointed the hike was over because I would now have to return to my mundane life. By the end of the hike, the initial anticipation of reaching the peak became permeated by feelings of sadness and disappointment. I had just reached the plateau.

The worst is not falling. It’s staying down and continuing within the fallen state. Life’s painful moments don’t magically stop time. Nothing and no one slows down. It’s foolish not to take a break but the if the break becomes permanent, then that is the ugliest of all. Eventually life would become static. The will to change would become nonexistent. Inadequacy will become the primary description for life.

I didn’t know that I could do that hike. It shed a lot of light on to my life and how I’ve lived it thus far. No matter how difficult, frustrating, or tiring getting started might be, would it be worth not trying? Life’s not going to tie my laces for me. Life’s not going to display my potential in the mirror every morning. Life won’t tell me if I’m going to make it. The answer lies within.